


It's Ironic!

by hpd_lance



Category: Homestuck, Other Fandoms are mentioned
Genre: Actually that tag is a lie, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, BC BLAZE IT, Blatant Homophobia, Calliope is Trans, F/F, F/M, Gonna stop tagging now, I ACTUALLY FINISHED THIS EARLY BUT I DIDN'T POST IT UNTIL 4/20, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other, POV Second Person, Religious Content, Trans Calliope, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, but like, if you can't see the emoji things for the Kanaya & Karkat and the John & Dave, its pale shit, mainly focuses on Davekat, okay theres a lot of tags, some people are dead, they're diamonds, theyre side characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6596959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boy meets boy.... in a church. Whoops!</p><p>Join our intrepid heroes as they figure out their sexualities, religions, and whether or not Dave and Jade are actually related.</p><p>Altern(i)atively Titled:</p><p>In which two boys meet in church, and go  on a journey of self-discovery, humorous shenanigans happen, emotional trauma also happens, so does climbing a ferris wheel, and a few police run-ins happen, too. Stay tuned to find out just what the fuck is going on here.</p><p>T rating for swearing, drug use, sneaking out, and general illegal activities, along with radical christianity and death threats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Ironic!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Just Because I Go To Church It Doesn't Make Me Heterosexual](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4156332) by [hpd_lance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance). 



Your name is Dave Strider.

You are, for lack of a better word, atheist. You're not like, pretentious about it, and you don't shame people for their religions, you just... don't believe in God, or a higher power, or Heaven and Hell-- you just don't. It doesn't make sense to you.

Your uncle, however, is a Christian, and your cousins are as well, to some extent. Your aunt/legal guardian is.... well, she's trying. Really hard.

Why is this relevant?

You're in church, that's why.

You don't hate it. It's not bad. Just kind of cold, full of stuffy people, and cute boys who are unfortunately heterosexual. Like, that cute kid who'd "greeted" you at the door. (More like side-eyed you and your ridiculously underdressed self. You should've asked John if you could borrow one of his polo shirts. Even a too-wide-around-the-shoulders, too-long-in-the-torso shirt would've been better than this guy just giving you a Look because of your old t-shirt and jeans.)

The preacher is a pretty lively guy, for a preacher. He talks with a lot of emotion, like he's really, _really_ invested in telling you about Jesus and the works he did on the earth. Every other church you'd been to, the preachers had either droned on and on, or had been way too comical to take seriously. You like this preacher more than those others, you think.

You find yourself actually halfway paying attention. It is a little interesting.

He dismisses the congregation at a little after noon, and you're not disappointed or anything, just a little confused, because you'd only given half your attention to the service. (The rest of your attention was spent doodling on a church program, but we won't talk about that.)

You start to stand up, but the guy from earlier, the greeter guy, (the pastor's kid, John had informed you) who had given you a Look when you walked in-- yeah, that guy- he trudges up to you.

"You're new." He states, hands buried in the pockets of his khakis.

You nod, "That a crime?"

He scoffs, "No, but that outfit is. Someone call up the cops, that shirt with those jeans has gotta be a crime punishable by law." His hands have left his pockets, and he waves them around when he talks. It's adorable.

You almost laugh. "911, what is your emergency? Some kid wearing jeans and a t-shirt to _church_? That is a level-frickin-five offense, I'll send two of our best officers, Jesse and James to come pick him up."

He snorts, then he starts coughing, and you're entirely sure that he was hiding laughter, "Hi. I'm Karkat, Karkat Vantas." He says, after his coughing (laughing) fit is over.

"Dave, Dave Strider," You say, holding your hand out, "But you can call me the man of your dreams."

Karkat's laugh sounds almost like what happens when you try to squeeze a squeaky toy before letting it fill back up with air, combined with the sound of air racing out of a tire. It's surprisingly cute. Like, you wouldn't expect something like that to be cute, but by Jesus, it was the cutest piece of shit since puppies.

Your poor, poor, bisexual heart.

\----------------------

The entire church goes to lunch together, as a group, after everyone has had their conversations and talked to their heart's content. You, John, Karkat, Karkat's sister Nepeta, and her friend Equius, and his friend Aradia, and Aradia's friend who is also Nepeta's friend Feferi. All-in-all, there are five teenagers and two technically adults at your table.

Feferi doesn't act like she's nineteen, you think, she acts like she's still sixteen. Her friend Eridan refused to sit with you, because Equius was there, and apparently Equius was freaky, or something. He did have an obsession with being strong, and he was really sweaty, and he had a bit of a superiority complex, but he wasn't too bad. A little weird, yeah, but easy to ignore if need-be.

You sit next to John and Karkat, and John keeps shooting glances between you and your grumpy companion. Karkat is really only grumpy 98% of the time, you think. You and John make him laugh the most out of the group, and his arms are crossed for the most part, except when he starts ranting about something. He nearly hits you in the face twice, and once he actually _does_ smack you, which he apologizes for, three times.

Lunch is fun. It's the most fun you've ever had around a large group of people. Karkat seems to like you, which you regard as a compliment, because John told you that he doesn't like very many people.

Karkat seems like that kid that's secretly a problem child, but his parents never find out. You like him. This is a problem. A very unfortunate problem.

\------------------------------------------

At home that night, you lie in bed for a little while, contemplating your existence. You hate and love heterosexual boys in the same way heterosexual girls hate and love heterosexual boys.

They're attractive, and they don't like you. But damn, are most of them good to look at.

You look out of your window at the dark sky. You glance at your clock, which tells you it's a little past midnight.

It's a good night to sneak out.

You sit up, grab your shoes and socks from your floor, quietly pull them on, search in your closet for a hoodie, lock your bedroom door, then tiptoe over to your window.

**Author's Note:**

> Gosh, this took me quite a bit to write (but less than the 7 days I gave myself, so hey, there's that!)
> 
> If you're confused over the family relationships, don't worry, so am I.
> 
> Also, there was a lot less dialogue in this than I usually write, and that's cool, but expect later chapters to be a little more dialogue-heavy. The first 2 chapters should focus mostly on Dave, with a switch to Karkat's pov for chapters 3 and 4, and it should switch back and forth every 2 chapters or so. I'm expecting 8 chapters to this fic, and maybe an epilogue or something.
> 
> Sorry if this sucks lmao. The pacing needs work, but maybe that's fine to other people lol :^)
> 
> Hopefully, the next chapter will clear 1,500 words. writing goals.


End file.
